Worst Blog Ever

Floater by Leo Saumure

So last night, I dreamed that I pooped in the tub.

-Eww!

Oh, it get's better.

So I'm in my tub, enjoying  a nice hot bath, when my brother Andy comes in and want's to wash his feet. While Andy is in the back of the tub wading around letting the water cleanse his feet of whatever soiled materials may be clinging to them, I get up from laying in my supine position, and move to the front of the tub. Trying to stay all warm and cozy, I stand naked, at the front of the tub, with my back to Andy, hunched over trying to stay partially immersed in the water. I pretty much look like Gollum, hunched over, clutching the ring of power.  Speaking of which...

While hunched over, allowing Andy to wade in my bathwater, it is at that moment that I accidentally squeeze out a small, poop. Not wanting Andy to see that I just pooped in the tub, I grab the turd before it becomes a floater, and cup it in my hands.

-Ewww!

I know right!

Well, I don't want to hold a turd in my hands, so under the guise of wanting to add more hot water to the tub, I quickly pull the plug on the tub, and try to stuff the poop down the drain, while adding more hot water. Unfortunately, this is a fairly hard poop, and it plugs the drain. I am just able to mash it down enough to replace the plug in the tub. Problem solved...for the moment.

-Ewww!

Oh, it gets better.

Now, with the turd safely tucked away, I am thinking to myself: I got away with it! My hands are clean; metaphorically anyway. Well, it at this time, that I somehow manage to squeak out another blob of poop.

-Ewww!

I know right!

So once again, I scoop up the offending ball of crap before it has a chance to float on the water like a cork in a tempest, and again I cup the turdball in my hands.

-Ewww!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

So again, here I am hunched over. Naked, Back to Andy, trying to hide my ring of power as it were -or trying to keep a ring from becoming visible anyway. So Andy is wading around behind me, and I am trying to think of a way to dispose of the poop in the toilet beside me without him noticing, all the while, little pooplets are starting to squirm out of my clenched fingers, and starting to appear on the surface. Long and disgusting story short, Andy gets out of the tub, and I'm able to reach over and toss the poop into the toilet.

Possible Interpretations

In my mind, this dream can be interpreted in one of two ways:

First Interpretation

The first is that the tub and the water, represents my online activities. The water is clean and clear - pre-poop anyway, and I live my online life publicly; hence being naked in the tub.

Andy coming in to wash his feet, represents a conflict. In the real world, Andy and I often have vastly differing opinions on many social/political matters, and neither one of us is afraid to make our point of view known. We always try to keep it civil, and while I don't agree with his opinions, I accept that he is allowed his differing point of view, and I am allowed mine. I think that is why I, in the dream, I allow him to come into the tub in the first place.

The poop, obviously represents some dirty little secret that I don't want to be revealed, and I have to keep it hidden from Andy and the rest of the world. -I honestly don't know what that secret could be, but you can bet it's a doozy!

Second interpretation

The second interpretation is that this is simply an old painful memory from my childhood that has resurfaced.